Sounds like nothing is wrong to me. Whats to complain about? She wants to try our for the dance/cheer teams, get good grads and be on student council..most parents would drool for their kids to be this ambitious.
I personally say celebrate everything she does. (as long as the clothes aren't sexy) whats the big deal. She's wearing them not you. I too have too very different girls 14 an 12. My 14 has had purple hair this year and wears the most progressive fashion I've seen. Her new thing is to wear big black nerd glasses even though she has contacts. She wore these downtown on Friday when we went shopping. It was funny that she was getting lots of compliments from people on them. She finds alot of her fashions the girls will sneer at and then guess who's copying her a week or two later.
Our motto is "normal is boring". You may have to bite your tongue often on the outfits but as long as she is happy and full of confidence that is all that counts.

Middle school is certainly hard on most kids at this age. Sometimes kids who were friends last year are no longer friends this year. Both boys and girls are starting puberty, too.

What your daughter is going through is probably just a phase; she's trying to make her own way, rather than trying to fit in with everyone else. At this age, most kids want to fit in and have a lot of friends. Encourage her desire to get good grades in school and be a part of after school activities.

In some ways, your daughter's desire to be different is good; however, I'd question her why she feels she needs to have an alter ego. Having an alter ego may be an excuse for dressing and acting different.

You should encourage her to be herself, and help her build her self-esteem and confidence. Her desire to join after school activities is a confidence booster.

Well I'm 13 and going into 8th grade this year. I know it's weird for me to be on this site, but I don't care. What you need to check on isn't what she tells you she wants to join and what she wants to do, it's what she doesn't tell you. I'm not tell you not to trust your kid, I'm just telling you that a lot of kids at my school keep things from their parents. Such as having sex. We had probably 3 girls in 7th grade this year that got pregnant. I'm not saying that will happen to your daughter, I'm just saying it's always a possibility, even with the girls that everyone thinks would never do something like that. Just encourage her to be open with you and to tell her that it's okay to talk to you about things that other people might be doing and saying. I know that the talks I had with my mom last year helped me get through the year. And learn things about her friends. If she starts hanging out with guys that wear baggy jeans or talk strange or walk strange, steer her away from them because chances are, they are in a gang of some sort. I know no one thinks that their town has gangs, but last year I learned that my five star school system had kids that had gangs. And watch out for girls that have really flat hair or hair that looks really messy and wear super skinny jeans. They are the ones that are likely to get her into drugs or having sex. And encourage her to be in the extra curricul arctivities, just don't pressure her to be in them because that will make her feel terrible if she doesn't make it. Just trying to help and if you think that I shouldn't be giving you advice on how to raise your kid, I understand I'm just trying to tell you what a 12-year-old goes through and what they want their parent to do.

i grew up with 7 sisters, and there was one sister, coming from an irish catholic family that would singe my fathers eyebrows everytime she spoke. She had crazy hair, where our's were always tidy, she was just plain one wild irish rose. She did and said outrageous things and was watched like a halk by the rest of us to see she minded her knickers. Well guess what, that crazy nut dropped out of school, my parents went crazy, and at 17 she kicked down the doors of one of the most prestigious universities in the us, Columbia University and convinced them that not only was she special, she was better. She is now one of the most sought out specialist of her trade, she knew she wasn't different, she was who she was, plain and simple. You just might have a future chanel on your hands or you may watch her crash and burn, just be there, that's it, be there. In my opinion, this site should have a section for parents to turn to from middle schoolers themselves, just because we grew up already, it's a whole different world with a different heartbeat now, much more difficult than it was for us. We need to learn from THEM, we need to be taught what is up and what is not, what to watch for and what to ignore. I'm of the opinion that i learned more from that kid who wrote in than any parent, why? because he is there, experiencing it from the front lines. just an opinion.

Well, I am 14 and i graduated from middle school this year. That is why I would like to help you because I saw many things that many different girls went to those three years. Most of them wanted to fit in or be cool among their peers, but there was those who really didn't care what other people had to say about them. They were just themselves. I think your child doesn't want to be like everyone else. That when people see her they have something good to say. Such as: Oh look at that girl she isn't like every other girl here. Or wow she has a great sense of style.

It is a good thing that your child is wanting to be unique, but you also have to think about her peers. And have a good connection with her because there are going to be many people walking in the wrong path and might try to get your daughter to follow in their footsteps. Let her know that you guys are friends and that you are there for her in everything.

There are things that go on in school that us kids don't want to tell our parents, so I say to have a chat with her once in a while to see how shes doing at school, but don't presure her to talk because that could lead you guys apart. I tell you this because I have an older brother that is 17 and my parents always tried to get him to talk about his feelings and about his friends and they never left him alone, so he got really angry and now doesnt like talking to them as much. I see how my parents suffer for him and I wouldn't like for any other parent to feel the same way.

You should talk to your daughter and see what are her real intensions in being unique. If she wants to be unique by doing the horrible things that others are scared to do, or the good things that others are afraid to show because it's not cool.

My as a kid would've loved to be able to tell my paretns everything that went on at school, but i never did because of the thing with my brother. I didn't want to let them know that there were things that were bugging me, so all i ever did was smile and tell them that everything was fine. That is why I ask you to have a great connection with her. And when things get rough, listen to what she needs to say. Sometimes parents make mistakes because they are humans and all they want is the best for their kids, right? So they do what THEY think is right, but sometimes it's not. So they need to take their kids in concider and she what they think. And just 'cause you already lived their age doesnt mean that their life is going the same way as your did. Different things always come up.

So my advice to you is to let her be unique. She might have good intensions with that. You need to find out what she really wants out of it. Don't loose communication with her. And most of all, BE A FRIEND TO HER. It would let her know that she can trust you in and with anything.
Oh and sorry for giving you long stories, hope they help you in some way.

I have a 26 year old daughter and most of what you are describing here is her age. However it doesn't 'sound' like she's trying to 'fit in' - it actually sounds like she wants to be in her own skin (so to speak). Nothing wrong with it UNLESS she is going to an extreme towards the 'wrong' way. Just monitor the clothing and make up (if any) to make sure she's ok. Also ... ask her why she wants to be unique. If she's happy being 'herself' rather than following the trends, be totally thankful because when some of the trend setters start drinking .... she'll NOT follow that either.