thirteen is when i started dating. and honestly let them!!!! its really no big deal(and a dateis considered when there is hand-holdin and or kissing)

My son's twelve not sixteen. I'm going with my gut and treating him as a twelve year old despite societies pressure to hurry him along. He has no problem with it. I know where he is 24/7 and who's he's with. Yes, that IS possible. He's welcomed to talk to girls at school but won't be calling them or vise versa for a couple of years yet. Period. He has a good fun life. His job right now is to do decent in school and be a kid. No point in opening the door wide up just yet. And when we DO allow it to open... it'll be VERY VERY supervised. There's thirteen year olds involved in sex and I'm going to redirect him for awhile. You can't control hormones but you can be a parent.

OKAY YOU MAY THINK THAT UR CHILD IS DATING BUT DO U KNOW THAT FOR SURE?!?!?! OR IS YOUR CILD REALLY JUST HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS???
I AM A CURRENT MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENT AND TO BE HONOST I DONT LIKE ANYONE ALOTHOUGH I HANGOUT WITH GUYS 24/7 AND I DONT LIKE THEM ONE BIT THEY ARE ACULLY MY BEST FRIENDS. SO FIRST DONT TEASE YOUR CHILD WITH HANING AROUND THE OPPISITE SEX OR ELES THEY WONT TELL YOU WHATS GOING ON THATS WHAT IS HAPPINGING WIHT ME. SO ALWAYS VARIFY BEFORE ASSUMING UR CILD IS DATING!!!!! :) thank you for lstening :D :D >.

My daughter is 12 and in the 7th grade. I do not have a problem with her going out places with her guy friends. (she does'nt have many female friends). I have taken them shopping and have let them do many other activities . Just recently was she allowed to have a boyfriend and she hasn't done anything with him yet. Her dad made her agree that he gets to choose where and when she goes with her new boyfriend or she cant have one.

I am in seventh grasde so I know what is going on in your child's mind. Once you are in sixth grade everythign changes. There are relatioinships, kissing and other stuff. They didnt sneak pass you you just werent expecting your children to grow up so fast. all i can tell you though is watch out because guys will start saying obsene things. trust me, middle school is difficult. Take time to talk with them and honestly i think they might still date even when you dont know... so talk to them and try to understand how they feel. Oh and watch out if they have a phone go through their text messages and pictures regularly because i know i have gotten asked to take many obsene pcitures and i have never done it but to be on the safe side you may want to keepe an eye on that(: hope i helped.

my daughter is in 6th grade and boys are always calling and writing notes. i even had to tell one boy my daughter is to young to date now he said when can she i said when she is 151/2 and he got rude and said women are to strict on little girls.i dont think im strict its just alot of stuff now a days that go on to much like teenage pregnancy and sexual disieses out there. im trying to protect my daughters i have 3 of them.

My son is 14 and in Jr. High he has what he calls his girlfriend.We allow him and her to go to the movies with us or her parents which I insisted on meeting first.(you just can't be to careful these days)Talk on the phone about school the latest movie or fashion statements,their karate practices,etc...And E-Mail each other.With out totally ease dropping we check on them to make sure the conversations stay tasteful and respectful.We keep the discussion completely open between parent and child,so that even the sex topics can be involved.While teaching him it's something that's a natural and part of growing up.there needs to be a maturity about the topic while keeping it tasteful and that he himself needs to understand himself,the way it changes a relationship,and all the cons that can happen so that you must really be mature not just physically but mentally and emotionally to.So when he reaches that point he doesn't get any surprises's.We are happy we took this approach because dating so they call it has changed since my day.And these open talks have taught my son not to rush into that area or to feel he needs to,to fit in.He told one of his guy friends the other day who started to tease him a bit that he respected himself,her,and their families to much to rush into any of that stuff.Not only could it cost them both their future dreams , he knew he just wasn't't ready for everything that comes along with serious dating and the situations that it eventually leads to,that he'd rather just take his time and enjoy his growing up years.Then he pointed out one of their friends that's in the 8th grade and a year younger than them,Who's girlfriend is pregnant 3 mos.We have to be open with are kids even in those not-so-comfortable conversations and keep are selves composed.We are after all are kids role models and teachers.Most of us would prefer not to have this part in our kids lives,but don't forget we once was there are selves and are parents probably had the same issues with it then to.Just now the shoes on the other foot,and are parents are smiling enjoying ever minute of it thinking "now they know".

Well, I am 12 and most of the girls in my grade (6th) have had dates already and are going out with someone right now. My mom doesn't approve of it and I don't think that my friends should be dating at this age either. I guess it makes it a date because they are hanging out together or something. I never really understood it because most of my friends describe their dates to me and I don't get half of the stuff they are saying. I guess maybe when he makes a 'move', for example: they are watching a movie and the boy puts his arm around the girl. I think that is classified as a move. I first started liking boys at 11 I guess because I started maturing and paying attention to things a lot more, and I guess I started thinking boys were cute. But all I know for sure is, life was so much simpler when boys had cooties.

My daughter is 13 and in 7th grade and we have had these issues for 2 years. I believe it is completely age appropriate to have "crushes", interests in boys, etc. The talk that the children have at this age is that they are "dating" each other. I have tried to explain it isn't a date because they can't go out anywhere but they like to use the terms like dating, going together. We have had many instances whereby my daughter wants to take a boy to the movies, walk around the mall, etc. We don't allow this yet but we do allow coed middle school excursions, i.e., roller skating and pizza night, movies, bowling. There are several girls and boys that really mesh and have a good time together so we create these opportunities because it is sort of an in between phase of development. They are curious about boys, dating, etc. but they aren't necessarily developmentally ready to take on the full scope of "dating" and relationships. I have observed the boys doing precisely what you described, showing off, being goofy and the girls being very giggly. I have very open communication with my daughter on a myriad of issues. I am often candid about the reasons why she can't date one on one, be dropped off at the mall alone, etc. and it seems to help her to understand. In terms of your initial question, I think the lines of dating are muddied throughout middle school and every child is different. The outings you described with the one twin are really dates being snuck in, if you are uncomfortable with it you always have the right to say no.

I think it is great that you were able to have such an open conversation. I agree that talking things over with your kids seems like the best approach no matter what.

I believe that what makes a "date" a date depends somewhat on the individuals involved and their feelings about the situation. I've seen situations where two people go out together, one person thinking it is a date and the other thinking they are just friends. In addition, what I remember of middle and high school dating had very little with going on actual "dates" and more to do with hanging out together. So maybe the language we use to describe this matters less than the behavior involved. If the behavior you are seeing makes you uncomfortable you should let your child know and explain to them why you are worried.

At least if you have talked to your kids about what you and they think is appropriate they can learn to make good decisions on their own. You can't watch them forever and there will come a time when they have to monitor their own behavior. (I know, it's scary...) If they learn and understand the logic behind your rules, whatever they are, they can apply that logic to any situation that arises.

Does your daughter have any regular friends that are boys? If she did would they be allowed to call? When I was in 6th grade about half of my friends were boys so I'm just curious what your daughter's friends are like.

you cant tell your kids how to feel. My 6th grade dau likes boys too. Theres nothing I can say to stop that but I feel its important to be open and communicate. I want to be the Mom my kids can come to and tell me ANYTHING. I may not like what they tell me but I can use it to guide them in the right direction.

to answer your question was the movie and pizza a date well technically yes but his parents were there so not that kind of date. Had it been a girl it would be considered the same a date. I wouldnt let them go alone. I think if you ban boys from calling or seeing them they will find a way you just wont know about it!!

I think the date you need to worry about is the one on one, I think going out in a group is great but doesnt mean their not gona fool around.
BTW I wouldnt put an age on dating because kids mature at different ages. So to say only at 14 they may still be to immature to handle it

The point of my original question was that when does being friends with and socializing with boys cross that line and become a "date"? We certainly don't want keep boys and girls from being friends and interacting with each other. It certainly wasn't the format of boy picking up girl and taking her to a movie and and a restaurant. They were more childish get-togethers, even though the boys had been remarked upon as of romantic interest. Neither one of the incidents above were described by my daughters as "dates". But they seemed uncomfortably close to me.

And then I keep hearing that older teens tend to hang out in groups these days rather than the old fashioned pairing for dating. Then I guess they can peel off to canoodle. So it not being called a date, or following the old pattern of a date, doesn't prohibit hanky-panky.

Little kids in pre-school have crushes, and you wouldn't consider it "dating" and prohibit interaction. Then again, all through elementary school, my girls had little flirtations going. Little boys would give them candy, buy them ice cream, or walk home with us doing cartwheels and generally showing off along the way. And I thought it was sweet and cute and Norman Rockwellish.

But something about these middle school instances, made me feel like we were close to that line.

I totaly agree with you Wicked.
Its normal to like and have a crush at this age.
I think banning this thing is too extreme. They'll find a way to date by sneaking and lying and to me thats worse than if they are open and have supervised "dates". What they consider a date at 11 and 12 is usually not on the same level as older teenagers.
I really think we need to go back and read our diarys and remember what it was like to be 12 again. I remember the girls who had the strictest parents were the ones who were the sneakiest. Lol !

I totally agree with loirjay about open discussions about the issue of dating, and only group dating until out of high school. This takes a strong and wise parent to take and hold to this position, but it is in the best long term interest of the child. The danger of dating is that teens are "opening a box" of emotions that are intended to be reserved for marriage to a life time mate.

We are currently in a small group study of teen and dating, and have learned that the typical dating scenario of - going steady, breaking up, finding someone else, and starting the cycle all over again - is counter productive to establishing and maintaining a strong life time marriage relationship. The old habit of bailing out of the relationship creeps into the marriage relationship when tough times come, and they will come.

Also young people need to establish career plans and determine their personsal interests before locking into relationships.

They is a lot to be said for just having fun with a group of close friends who are like minded and committed to purity and pursuing their education. Eveything in it's proper time!

Ok this is a seroius issue among our children today. I always tell my kids that the boys and girls will be there later trust me right now you just need to focus on your studies. Its ok to have a friend but right now at your ages I don't feel boyfriend/girlfriend ashould be on your mind just be her friend for now.

Ok Im a mom of a sixth grade girl also and boys are not permittied to call this house until you are in highschool. she has a lot of girls calling and they chat about the latest teens boy groups or chris brown and whos cute in their class but absoulately no boys are allowed to call here unless it for her brothers. I feel that is to young to have boys call.

I have 3 sons, ages 14, 4 and 2. I have some concerns about the dating scene in middle school as well. My son actually asked me if I thought it was OK for him to have a girlfriend. I was so honored that he would actually just bring it up like that, so maturely, that we had a lengthy, open discussion about what it means to "go out". What does that look like? What kinds of affection are shown? Where do you spend time together? I asked him about his other friendships at school too, and it boiled down to this. "Going out" is hanging out at school together. You sit by each other whenever possible, and maybe hold hands, and brief hugs. There is no lengthy hugging, no kissing, no hanging on each other, no touching of any bathing suit parts. We've also talked many times about how he can influence healthy conversation. No sexual jokes, especially around the opposite sex. We've always discouraged crude humor. You get the idea. We're very detailed about what interaction is OK and what isn't because during this experimental phase of "dating", the lines can be pretty blurry in kids' minds.

I told him that sounded safe and appropriate, and then we talked about how nice it is to be "liked" and how he wants to be remembered as a boyfriend ( because we all remember each one, don't we?).

He actually agreed with me that he's not mature enough for real "dating" yet. I did lay out my rules for dating in the future, especially the part where there is no dating alone until all the parents have met and are comfortable with it, and even then only group dating until after high school. I should disclose that my son is very accepting of my strict rules regarding dating because I had him when I was 17 and still in my senior year of high school myself. He's seen firsthand how hard it's been for us, and agrees he needs to keep that from becoming a family legacy.

All this to say, I would urge you to just engage your girls in open, detailed discussion about dating and boys, and friendships in general, and inspire them to dream about who they want to be, what kind of boy they want to "date" and how they want to be remembered. What kind of touching are they comfortable with? Does it match what your comfortable with? You get the idea.

Good question!

Well, my kids are 12 and 8. The twelve year old has had a "boyfriend", in her case I don't believe it to be an actual boyfriend. I just see him as a family friend. They do nothing special, they acted like this before this ever started happening. The 8 yr. old, has her mind made up about who she likes and changes the boy every week. They all end up in her class, and they are the ones that are the troublemakers. It depends on the kid!! Hopefully this helps!

I would say they are crushes and that is perfectly normal for this age. I find mom's and dad's taking kids out at this age is an awesome idea! Parents can monitor behavior (and language) while modeling proper "date" behavior, for example, pulling out the chair, holding the door open, general caring for someone elses needs. I would call it a date when the children are left on their own, even if mom or dad is the designated driver.
These are the first experiences they will have before a tried and true "first date" and it sounds like things are going smoothly but it is rather difficult to watch your little ones grow up!
At this age boys and girls can have fun while you monitor at the same time.
Here is what we do at our house so we have a heads up on who our kids friends are and to get to know them, earn our trust and they can earn ours. We make sure the fridge is stocked with snacks and pop, and have plenty of gaming and movies, coming this Spring to the back yard for the little ones will be a soft-contained playground. All this so kids will come to our house and play, we know where are kids are, who they are with, and what they are doing, we know their friends are in a safe,secure, home and are being watched with four very careful eyes. We want this to be a fun house but where the kids WILL have respect for our rules if they want to continue to play over or hang out. And this makes ME feel better.

My son, 8 years old, still considers a girl he has not seen in a year to be his "girl friend" and my daughter at age 10 has no interest in boys and this is whom I am fearful of out of my three kids. Her peers will be emotionally more mature than she is so I worry of the opposite sex taking advantage of her immaturity. My 16 year old is "dating" a girl a year older than he is but she lives over an hour away and the only time he sees her is when (far and few between) we bring her to work with us...I am present and it works for me! ;)

As long as you know where your kids are, who they are with, and if a parent will be supervising I think you're ok. Oh, yes...get to know the parents first, always!