My apologies to all readers! i made a huge typo in my last letter. It should read; "required a different learning style". So sorry and that is what I get for being in a hurry. The letter with that mistake should be directly the next letter you will read. My apologies to all.

I personally haven't noticed that school's gear learning styles towards girls; what I have noticed is schools are not geared to special needs in children. I have a girl with learning needs that affect behavior and public school was a real dilemma. My opinion would be yes by all means check with your child's pediatrician on ADD/ADHD, however the school evaluations on Language Processing and Central Auditory should actually be mandatory with children showing these types of behaviors/frustrations. It is a process of elimination to get to the root of the problem. I had these tests done and to everyone's surprise, my female child showed disabilities in those areas and she has ADHD. It was also been proven that the child (boy or girl) may actually requidifferentfernt learning style aside from the traditional. Please request ALL testing. I had no help from the school district, and alonegativityivety, until these tests were performed and the appropriate classaccommodationstions were given. I do believe in supporting the teacher, providing the teacher is addressing my child,s issues in a positive way. Unfortunately, there are teachers that are highly punitive when a child comes across as difficult to teach in a classroom. Children do not need added frustration, they need support from all. The evaluations I have mentioned were a great beginning for my child's education, but I didn't find out until she was in 5th grade. Had I been advised when she was in younger grades, it could have potentially helped even more. But we move forward. I believe it is ADHD that is more common in boys than in girls, but girls are being diagnosed with it because none of these disabilities discriminate. Unfortunately teachers do have a bigger job to do now a days because of our new laws and accountability for each school; therefore my opinion is to get all relevant testing/evaluations possible to achieve an accurate diagnosis and help the student in school, the teacher in her classroom, and the parent at home. It truly helped my child and I hope it helps yours. A great referral I suggest is www.brightsolutions.com. The best of luck to you.

How familar this sounds. Two things that I live by are first to support my children's teachers and make sure my kids understand this. This having been said, I have learned that I am also my child's voice. My first child is a girl who moves easily through school. My son, like yours, is a very young student in his class. He is also extremely bright. We had all testing done in kindergarten and again in grade 3. I recommend that you discuss with your pediatrician where to begin. And whether you receive a diagnosis of ADD or ADHD or whatever, and however you decide to manage any possible diagnosis, please keep one thing in mind. Schools today, good or bad, are not structured toward the learning style of boys. The structure of public and private schools are geared more toward the learning environment of girls. Boys learn by moving, touching, case and effect, and are basically wired differently. Girls are able to sit and absorb the lectures with little to no questioning. This is not an excuse for your son or my son to "misbehave" but rather to give insight into the fact that "it" may not be as simple as saying he is a behavioral problem. Just be aware that while supporting your teachers and your school, your child may not be receiving the best method of instruction. Look for ways to build up your son. My biggest mistake, and I have many, was to continue to expect my son to fit the mold that he could not fit into. My son told me he tried each and every day, but I could not see this based on the teacher's interpretation of his day. His IQ of 139 told me he was capable of the work each year. Not being able to manage his day by staying seated, raising his hand and still giving answers, touching things in the classroom, and constant questions, frustrated his teachers. Supplement his learning as best you can. Continue to reinforce the expectations and rules, but give him the sense that you understand and support HIM b/c the average teacher will not "IF" he is thought of as difficult to manage in the classroom because he will take time to manage. He will need the extra encouragement and this takes time from the teacher. With overcrowded classrooms and decreased funding, teachers are tired and frustrated. Keep your son as your priority and continue to find ways to support both him and the teacher. I hope this helps and if nothing else provides a bit of insight.

children with adhd sometimes need to move araound in order to be able to concentrate on the material.

I went through a lot of the same issues with my son. I was blessed with mostly teachers who had been around for a long time and that seemed to help greatly. At one point we had a brand new teacher. We had started a notebook which we sent back and forth every day. This seemed to help a lot because my son knew that I would find out exactly how his day went. This would cause him to pay more attention to his teachers and his surroundings. He too seemed to always be "bored" and bring home all of his homework. We still struggle with it, but it has gotten better as he has gotten older. We had had him tested before he entered school ahe he is ADHD, which aids in some of his problems. He is also a very smart kid which doesn't help either because he knows he can play around and not pay attention, but somehous he still manages to absorb the information.

I would say to start with evaluations. Central Auditory Processing evaluations are useful in pinpointing unseen issues a child can possibly be having. Also A thorough Language processing evaluation done by a source first outside of the school. Schools also do these evaluations but your own professional evaluation is a better way to initiate services at school. One of my own children began school in a similar way as your son. 5 school years later, I had initiated the evaluations I mentioned to you and turns out she had severe impairments in both areas. When a child has basic communication disabilities, his/her world appears distorted and frustrations do set in. Please understand, this is only my own personal opinion based on similar experiences you are having with your child. This will get worse IF your child does in fact have these deficits. I would hope you get these 2 evaluations Before testing for ADHD, because my child was diagnosed first with ADHD and at one point her doctor actually raised her meds so high, it produced other problems. I would suggest by all means get a Central Auditory processing eval, a language eval, and then after these results come in, a complete Psychiatric evaluation (If you suspect neurological disorder such ADHD). "If" your son in fact has severe learning issues, the intelligence he now displaying, will decrease by 2nd-3rd grade and worse behaviors could set in.( A good referral www.brightsolutions.com). This website could potentially professionally answer these questions in more a detailed way. My reason for the statement I made about the intelligence and decreasing ability in upper grades; my own child is "Highly intelligent" however by 3rd grade she was labeled as non compliant with school work, refusing to co-operate and behaviors in classroom such as talking out, getting out of her seat etc. Behaviors were being seriously looked and then I came across information on dyslexia and she definitely fit the description. Now she has LESS medication and a host of class room accommodations and is doing much better. I would at least start with these evals and rule out that possibility first. Children with disabilities that are not obvious to the eye, can get extremely frustrated in school and have a high degree of anxiety and adults not knowing how to help their child is the most frustrating problem a parent can have. Please give these evaluations consideration, it truly could be a start to helping your child. My own child is well spoken and to look at her you would never expect there to be that type of disability. It took a few years of evaluations until I came across "The center of the problem". Now she is getting the help she needs and she is no longer frustrated because everyone is finally working with her, knowing the areas of her problems. I really hope this helps you, think about those evaluations, if not now, monitor behavior, and consider them by the 3rd grade. It is better to rule it out, before medications get involved. Lots of Luck to you. Keep us updated.

I would have two guesses for this. One - he could very well be bored. If he's not being mentally stimulated and challenged... that could explain his lack of interest.

I hesitate to say ADHD because he really didn't have these problems in the past, and children with ADHD show these problems both in and out of school.

I would set up a conference with the teacher, and see about having him tested. It could be that he's just a little bit smarter than the others and needs more stimulation and challenges to keep him interested.

Good Luck! :)

Hello there,

I hate to be the first one to start "labeling", but everything you have said points to ADHD. I know, because my son did exactly what your son is doing at exactly the same age.

First, you need to make an appointment with your pediatrician. Ask him/her for a referral to a child psychologist. This is the only doctor that will be able to tell you whether you child as ADHD, ADD or something else.

If you child does have one of these, they can be managed with medication. Although, my son was on a total of 4 different ones.....until we found the "right" one for him. Do not let you child take a medication that will make him "zombie-like" or not be able to flourish in a natural capacity.

The medication did wonders for my son. Although, he still had his "talkative" moments, he did well.

Also, the teachers told us continually how bright our son was and that they knew he could do better.

I often felt guilty for punishing our son and said to my husband, "what if we find something the matter with him"?. He said, "he still has to know right from wrong", which is true. However, once he was diagnosed with ADHD, I did feel horribly guilty!

I hope this has helped you somewhat!

I would request a full educational evaluation. Often kids avoid things that are hard or frustrating, it sounds like he does not like to sit and write/color, it could be dyslexia or related disorder and methods of instruction, visual processing disorder (he could have better than 20/20 vision but have processing disorder), auditory processing, ADHD, or other disability causing the behavior.

I have similar issues. Teachers do make or break the that type of situation. Unfortunately we cannot choose the teacher. As a parent, the teacher conference would of be an option, however, I would have your child tested for ADHD. A psychological evaluation could prove beneficial. At the teacher/parent conference, you may want to ask about wrap-a-round services and if the teacher feels this could be an option. In our area wrap-a-round is a service where the child has a trained therapist come into the school and help keep the child on task. You do need a psychological evaluation. As your child progresses to higher grades, keep an eye on his academic performance. My child kept up with academics until 2nd grade, then learning for her was a train wreck. Turned out she has severe dyslexia. The behaviors you describe is exactly what she did at that age. Teacher communication and a series of testing is probably the best thing a parent can do. Best Wishes!

My suggestions would be first and foremost to pray. God can fix any problems. Don't punish, argue, or threaten.. Think back to when you were in school. Think back to something recent in life that you felt you couldn't deal with. What would have helped you? We're not that different than our kids, maybe older.. What you wanted and what he needs is LOVE. Just like what your looking for now. Comfort, compassion from someone else. Take a step back and think about what he's feeling and how much easier it would be for him to just feel supported. I'm not saying your not, but just think about how you've handled this in the past and just relax and remind him your there for him no matter what he's going through and that no matter what happens you'll always be there.. Tell him to let you help him. Ask him you can help.. Our children are smarter than we give credit. Talk to him with understanding and don't forget most importantly pray. Just ask God to help you and him, ask him to teach you what your child needs. And I'll be praying for you and him.. Hoped I've helped...

I believe Feb 25th's reply was EXCELLENT! Very well written and to the point. These are children who are losing their natural personalities to the school regime. Some of this is to be expected, but for some of the more enthusiastic children it is much harder. Never punish them, but rather talk with them, as they are learning to be accepted. Punishing is for those who have already learned these skills, and this causes them to feel "bad" about themselves, which defeats the purpose. Unless there is an actual health or medical issue, my belief is to let the teacher manage the child at school , and let the mom manage the child at home. When the two get mixed up, even under the best circumstanses, only half of the stories for each are unfolded, and consequently the child suffers. Mom should be hugging, loving, playful and the caretaker. When the caretaker starts punishing for the teacher, the child gets extremely mixed emotions. This also spills over to the rest of the family and creates an unhealthy environment. Usually the loved child - and he has to feel loved - will act accordingly in outside situations. When he/she doesn't, there will be many reasons why - but most importantly they should not lose their only refuge from this new world, which is at home with MOM~~ And , the mom who stated that next year may bring a teacher who will appreciate this child, is right on~~A new teacher can make a "world of difference" to children. So, in the meantime, make the most out of the positive parts of their day, help them along with their leftover work, ~~ watching for things that may be causing the delays (such as hearing, sight , etc) and move on . . .to the more fun things in life! It doesn't have to be soooo serious all the time!

Wow do I know that feeling - HELP!! I felt like I was reading my own posting. So many times I felt helpless and frustrated. It helps me to chat with parents going through similar issues. I hope it helps you as well. My son is 8 years old and has ADHD, he is impulsive and and immature for his age. At least for what they expect out of 8 year olds these days. Its sad but if you aren't right their guiding him along its off to Distractionville. He needs constant guiding to keep him on task. Creating a good relationship with the school is a great place to start. I can't say I've been sucessful there. Outside of his kindergarten teacher I feel he has been written off as a bad kid. I think she was willing to work with him because she had my daughter and she is a teachers dream, acedemically and behaviorally. I tell people he could test the patience of a saint. I love him so much, he has such good points. But with a class room full of peers there is so much to be distracted by and so many people to entertain. He tends to be a bit of a class clown.

I read an article today about ADHD not being a sprint but an edurance race. I think that applies to raising any child. I just keep trying to hang in there and move forward, reading and gathering ideas and information along the way.

No earth shattering advise here, but I hope it helps knowing someone else is dealing with the same issues and understands!!

I do not have any answers for you but I wanted you to know I am having the same issues. I have a 6 year old and he is in first grade. He is on the very young side of all the other kids. He is a wonderful sweet child and can get pretty emotional. He tells me he gets bored at school. The issues I am having are that he does not want to do what he is supposed to when he is supposed to. He doesn't get in school work done so he has to bring it home. Sometimes they put him in a "safe room" so he can get his work done when the rest of the class has moved on. He misses recess because he can't finish projects. When asked to write about what he has just learned, he says he does not know what to write about yet the teacher has just given him the information to write about. My son reads a lot and he excels in reading and he gets 100% on his work that he does do. He is great at spelling and math. I feel that my child is very smart but he has no imagination. He was once asked to write about how a monkey gets around in the jungle, he claimed to have no idea. I know he has seen shows with monkey swinging from trees. It is like pulling teeth to get him to write but it is something I have never made him do... until now.
He got so much practice reading as a child that he does that great. Now he has to practice writing. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your issues with your child. My Mom says just get through this year and maybe he will have a teacher that will appreciate that qualities that he does have. I believe it will get better in time with age. Would love to chat more about this issue with you.

Like all of the rest of us, children each have their own personality. No one would ever want me to work in a bank - the attention to numbered detail that bank work requires isn't my strength. Fortunately in our adults lives, there's a variety of things to do - we don't all have to fit into a common mold.
But that's essentially what school is - even kindergarten. Kindergarten takes children with different personalities, different strengths, and different interests and asks them all to take on the same task - and it's often a sit down, sit still task that's fairly unnatural to the energies and short attention spans that children have.
Some children conform to it more easily than others - quiet children, less energetic children but for some children it's hard. It's hard to focus and stay on the sit down, sit still task hand.
The word kindergarten meant a garden for children - a place where they were to be able to grow naturally - like flowers in the garden. That philosophy and approach to kindergarten is largely gone. Kindergarten's become a very academic experience with all the traditional tasks of school.
Whether the children in it are ready for that or not. Young children really aren't conscious of their behavior every moment of the day - they're not making active choices to act one way or the other - nature intended them to be impulsive at this age. that's likely why he cries and says he's trying to be good - he sounds like a wonderfully good-hearted little boy.
I hope his teacher appreciates that quality in him and hope you'll post back and let us know how it's going.
There's a good book on kindergarten you might find interesting - Whatever Happened to Recess and Why Is My Child Struggling in Kindergarten?

Hi Kiwibirdmom,

I agree with MsMomm. Setting up a teacher conference is the best way to get some perspective on the situation and you may be able to come up with some strategies together to help your son develop his listening skills.

I also wanted to give you a link to our Ask the Experts articles for Kindergarten. You may be able to find some information on how to work with your son:
www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/661

Please update us on how things progress.

Hope this helps!
TJ

Hi kiwibirdmom:

Setting up a conference with his teacher is a good idea. You'll be able to get her perspective on how your son is doing during the day. Kids can act differently when their parents are in the classroom versus not being there. You can also ask her if she thinks your son is gifted. If she thinks he is gifted, it certainly wouldn't hurt to have him tested.

Also, since he's on the young side of 5, a lot of his actions could be due to his maturity level. These days, schools expect a lot more from Kindergartners than they did years ago. Kindergarten now involves sitting for longer periods, listening longer, worksheets, homework. It's a lot for a little kid.

But do set up a conference with the teacher as soon as you can.

Best of luck, and keep us posted!