Battling Bullying

As long as there are children, teasing, name calling, and cliques will always be around. Children need to be taught at home to respect all people. We need to teach our children how to approach situations like bullying in case they become a victim. Kids need to be taught the tools and given the confidence to deal with their situations. BUT...... we need to make sure our children know that if at any time a situation is too much for them to handle emotionally or they feel physically threatened in any way that we will be their strength and protect them. If your child's behavior suddenly changes don't wait to see what the problem is. Communicate with them. Learn to talk less and listen more. Children know a lot more than we think. And parents, even the best of us can unintentionally raise a bully. Which ever end of the totum pole it is still our responsibility to protect all children be they mine, yours, or theirs. School staff members need to open their emotional eyes so to speak. Pay attention to that student that has a sudden grade dip. Even if they have all A's and that one lonely E or F. Because that one bad grade is a sign of a problem. Find a solution and fast. Because if your child is a bully, something has happened to him or her (that you may not have done). If your child is the victim, they need to know it is not a reflection on them. Hold their heads high for them if they don't know how. Teach them sympathy for the bully, not hate. I was just telling my daughter last night. Every problem has a solution. You may not agree with the solution, but their is one. Make sure your children always know you are there to listen NO MATTER WHAT! I think an in school intervention program is a possible solution. Once our children are in school, the staff assumes the parental position and should never forget it. There shold NEVER be...."ok kids, break it up and get back to class." Because at the end of the day when the bell rings, the problem is still there. And one of those kids who just "asks for trouble" may just be the victim. Ask yourself this question........How would you feel if you look up and suddenly that child's desk is empty?

Parent Comments on "Battling Bullying"

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Bully is endemic yet hidden in private schools. Public schools have zero tolerance for bullying. We found this out the hard way, having tried both types of schools. The sad reality is that when large amounts of money are involved, bullying becomes common - among both children and parents.

You could not have said it better! I would just like to add something to what you said. There are "many'" types of bullying and girls tend to bully different than boys. Girls can be very mean to other girls by what they say, what they "text", and by being very 'clique-ish'. Not only we as the parents, and the teachers, but also other parents that may see something that we don't see, should let us know what they have noticed (if it pertains to our child). By doing so (in a friendly manner) we can approach the situation. No child or parent is perfect and we can all at times do or say something that we don't realize may be hurtful. What is that saying that refers to 'it take a village to raise a child', in our case a 'Community', can be very helpful.

so true. i can't even tell you how many times i've been bullied. but i must tell you, MOST OF THE TIME,
TEACHER DOESN'T HELP. IT IS THE PARENT'S RESPONSIBILITY. and unless that bully has a complete change of heart, that teasing will not stop. and bullying can really hurt. most parents don't realize how harmful it is. when i am bullied, it obstructs my view of myself. i see myself as ugly, coarse, and never good enough. sometimmes, i will go into my room alone and cry about it. my parents didn't know this until I told them. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CHILD.BULLYING GOES FARTHER AND IS SO MUCH MORE HARMFUL THAN YOU THINK.

pRIVATE SHCOOLS DO A MUCH BETTER JOB OF HANDLING BULLYING THAN PUBLIC SHCOOLS.
THE SAD TRUTH IS, LARGE PUBLIC SHCOOLS
JUST DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE KIDS.

In this day and age, the victim is glorified, fighting back is looked on as barbaric. Martial Arts and Boxing taught me how to stand up.

But then again, my brother was shot in the shoulder for fighting back.

So teach them how to defend themselves, but we're not invincible

Keep your chin up iamastudent. Remember, the intent of a bully is not to reflect who you are. It is only to hide what hurts them. Be strong. I know it sounds easier than it is. No matter what.....don't stop talking. regularstudent....I am so sorry about your brother. You are right, we never know the outcome when we stand up for ourselves. But everyone has the right to do so. Allowing those who take out their frustrations in negative ways only to harm others can't be accepted either. Learning and teaching acceptance and love for others and for ourselves is all we can do. And knowing there are more positive loving people in the world than their are negative one's will have to be comfort in the mean time.

One of my daughter's schools has a preventing bullying class that helps, but is not perfect. I didn't really know the impact until my kids changed schools. The new school "cusses more" and "bullies do what they said they would do". My kids were both slapped by a bully on the bus. My son had a bully that was going to "beat him up" at the end of the week. My kids never told an adult about this except me, despite the fact that I told them to tell someone about the situation. Finally, I called the principal and she handled the situations. Needless to say, the boy doesn't bully them anymore. So, tell your school about the anti-bullying class. I'm not sure what it's called, but tell them to look it up.

That is a great idea. My oldest starts middle school this year. Can't wait to see how it goes.

My daughter is a victim of bullying. She is in middle school, and although very intelligent (straight As) and atheletic (school sports teams), has fallen prey to extreme measures of "exclusion". It started off with a few girls starting rumers presenting her in bad light (annoying/irritating, etc), and is now where she feels completely lonely (nobody to eat lunch with, no b'day party invites, nobody wants to sit by her in class, etc). She is fun-loving person, and has been an angel in elementary school. But due to everything going on at school, she is often crying, and screaming at us/her siblings. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to help her, or she can do to help herself (besides listening, which I do, as hopeless and frustrating as it seems). Thanks.

dear concerned mom1,
First of all, you must talk to the adults in power at your daughter's school. They can speak to these students. talk to these students' parents. You need to find some form of intervention. Second, you need to comfort your daughter. Give her lots of hugs. Tell her you love her. Make her feel appreciated for who she is. And most of all, LET HER CRY. Now don't panic, but she may be battling a wave of depression, and she needs to let it out. Give her advice, but not too much. your'e doing the right thing by listening.

My daughter was once told by her guidance counselor at school that it has nothing to do with her; the problem lies within the person doing the "rumors, bullying, etc." It could be that they are jealous of her and want to put her down so they can feel better. My daughter is very fun-loving, and gets bullied herself, but she has been taught that being "weird" was actually a compliment that she is an individual and doesn't have to be like everyone else. This has helped her self-esteem and outlook in life. As far as being "excluded", she does need to find out the truth. Hopefully she has at least one friend she can trust where she can find out "why" things are being said. She can also stand up for herself by saying, "Believe whatever rumor you want to believe, but I know what the truth is if you'll just ask!" Hopefully this helps.

Yes bullying has been around for a long time, but it appears to be getting worse. something has to be done because we see far too many injuries for bullying to go un-punished.
If we allow bullying to continue un-checked we will be sending a message that it is ok to exhibit bad behavior and this kind of deviant behavior will follow the child into his or her adult life.
The victim must not be afraid to report each incident to the proper authorities, and then the school and district where the child attends must have a zero tolerance on bullying.
I have witnessed bullying while I was teaching in middle and high school, and the victim didn't stand a chance against the bullies. Some doesn't have any respect for adults (teachers and or authority).
I have learned that there are many reasons the bullies attach whom they think will not fight back. sometimes there is an inferior complex, they see this kind of behavior in the home, jealousy for numerous reasons, to acting out due to some undiagnosed learning disability.
Finally, bullying has to be dealt with.

WWhite, you are absolutely correct. Another thing that frustrates me is this. I have known teachers that turn a blind eye because they fear retaliation from the bullies. I understand their fears, but as adults we need to put our own fears aside and protect children. It is our moral responsibility to make sure all children feel safe and protected. I wonder....are their laws that hold school staff responsible if a child is injured and they knowingly look the other way? If not, their should be. I really need to do some research, talk to local congress and start something if nothing exists so far. Talking about the situation only helps so much.

Ms. Luv,
I couldn't agree more because teaching is not the profession it used to be, but I had to stand my ground while I was teaching. I am not teaching now because of being assaulted by one of my students and th principle did nothing when I reported his threats on my life and today I haven't collected one dime in workers compensation.
If we, meaning all parties involved allow the bully get away with his or her behavior it sends the wrong message.
Yes, I think you should start a research project on bullying and definitely take the problem and your concerns to your legislator.
Keep me posted and good luck with your project.
Willie

You are correct, but it is sad because all students should feel safe while in school wether it's private or public.
Public schools worry too much about consenquences when the consenquences will get worse the more bullying is allowed to continue.
This is a growing problem that has to be addressed from all fronts, students, teachers, parents, administrators and policymakers.

Anyway, when it comes to bullies I would like to condense my opinion into 3 small sections. Overall, I can say everyone can be blamed.

1. The parents- for not teaching values and respect. Far too many children these days have no respect for anyone. I don't care what the parents are doing, they need to teach this to their children.

2. The children themselves- if you read any upto date edu book it tells you ALL the blame is placed on the adult and/or adult teacher. No! What nonsense is this? Children need to learn self control, self discipline, and self responsibility! I am sure you agree, but sadly nowadays many do not shockingly. Children must learn to handle minor issues on their own and come ask for adult help for major issues. If a child is bullying another student, he must be taught a lesson. Simply, moving them apart will not address the issue (as we are taught to do). It keeps them away from each other to avoid the bully getting his attention needing feed of hurting someone, but it does *not* teach a bully that what he is doing is inappropriate.

3. The teachers themselves- what are they modeling? Are they ignoring the bad behavior? Do they let some kids bully because they are the cool kids or have pushy parents who think their angel does nothing wrong? Are the teachers actually following through on the school's anti bullying policy?

You remind me of a case in a school. An 8th grader reported of a male teacher molesting her because she didn't like that he was a disciplinarian. The teacher was fired (even with protection of the union) and never allowed to teach anywhere else, ever again. The student later in the year said she made it all up. She was never punished!!!! On top of that, the teacher was never brought back and the slander on his record was never changed.

You can say maybe some teachers are afraid of these kids because these kids take things to the extreme. However, bullying must be stopped and we a teahers must take a stand against bullying.
when bullying is allowed to go unchecked we as parents, teachers, and administrators are sending the wrong message to these bullies and the message is that there is no consequensces for bad behavior.
It has been my experience that the child behavior represents the home or parents. Not in all cases but most.

I strongly agree!

That like what happened to me, a student hit me in the back of the head and now I am suffering lingering side affects from it and the student was never expelled from school and the judge last Friday found him not guilty of the charges. These kinds of actions is what cause good teachers to leave the system and other never entering the school system.
Now I must find another lne of work that I can do from home to supplement my income (SSD).
I am just thankful God blessed me with the gift of writing and research.

WWhite is right. I know several people who chose not to work in the school setting because of these problems.

Until policymakers and school administrators take strong positive measures the erosion of good quality teachers will continue.

I am sorry to hear what happened W. I hope all is well with you and you have a good support system here when you need us.

Thanks for caring and support. However, I am still dealing with the lingering aftermath from it.

I was bullied. Get her involved in activities that are outside the school--extra-curricular actitivites through the city (get the community guides, for the recreation center, etc.) or through your church. It will not only allow her to see that not everyone is like the girls at school (i.e. that there are people who think she is an intelligent, pleasant person to be around) but will also allow her to develop age-appropriate social skills--e.g. knowing about particular pop culture references, that is to say, have a normal social life. I used to think that because people at school said I was ugly, that the whole world would think I was ugly, too. I used to worry that I would never be able to get married or have a normal life. At that age, what your peers think is your whole life.

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