GimmeCoffee and Yecats

Great ideas . We are getting ready to start a news letter and I love the breakfast idea ,we are also planning a family day at the end of the year .

I agree that you need to have fun things that are not begging for money . I have a lot of bills as others do and it gets to be total burn out when every month you are expected to spent 20 to 100 dollars at schools activities or on fund raisers . I love taking part in all of it my husband just keeps the wallet those nights lol.

My son loves me being on the PTO because he knows mom is still a big kid and try to get all sorts of fun things for the kids passed and cool rewards . I was able to get the students of the month a personal pizza and movie . The kids love it . I love to play the big messy games at the parties we have .
I hope to have a dunk tank for the family day so we can dunk a teacher . Yes I know I may never make it on the PTO agian for that one but I know the kids will love it .

Next month I am planning to make a lot of goodies and spread the word that we want all parents to show and even get a few door prizes . I think if it sounds like a party people will be more apt to come .

I hope we do get more people and this year we can get more parents to work together . My son has one more year left and that year my youn gest will enter PreK so I still have about 8 years left to help make it a great school for the kids and parents . I think my biggest trouble is that when I attended this same school in 1981 it was always full of parents and I remember how great felt to all us kids to have that many people who cared about all of us kids not just the kid they had there .

Yecats, great advice. I agree that working the Kindergarten is really important! Each year we have had a strong board member with a child in K, who can act an ambassador for us. It's so important to catch those parents when they have questions, otherwise minor things can quickly become huge rumors, misinformation, etc. Last year a group of parents got really upset with a K teacher, and there was all kinds of parking lot gossip happening. While I wasn't able to completely stop it, I was able to step in and help explain things such as the role of PTA vs. school, and give a little history and perspective. Probably most important, I was able to hear their complaints and redirect some of that energy that was being turned against the teacher. Our principal is great but she tends to shut people down pretty quickly, which can backfire.

If you don't already have one, maybe the PTA can place a bulletin board outside the K classrooms to help parents stay informed. E-mail is also crucial. We have our own list (just members), and the principal has her larger one. She's great about helping us publicize our events and fundraisers.

We have a large percentage of new families in first grade as well, since many use private kindergarden and then transfer in. Again--we work those hallways before and after school, and make sure everyone knows how to find a PTA board member if they have a question. We have PTA t-shirts and fleece vests to wear at events and early in the school year so people can recognize us.

E-mails and surveys are good tools, but I have found that I only get responses from people who have personally met me at least once. Nothing can beat that in-person contact. We have a table at every single school event, and we host several family nights throughout the year to bring everybody together in the school. These are NOT fundraisers, just a chance to build our community and give the kids an opportunity to come to a dance, craft night, movie night, etc.

People will quickly be turned off if their only contact with your PTA is you asking them for money. It is very hard for your general membership to see and understand what all this money is being used for (since they don't attend the meetings where you discuss it!) Make sure you have events on your calendar that are just for fun, and that parents know who paid for it! :)

Sorry, I'm just randomly firing off thoughts here--hope some of it is helpful! :)

Here are a few things we do at our school to get parents organized and informed:

Weekly newsletter home in Friday Folders (yes, we have a group of moms that come in every Friday and stuff folders with PTO notices and other timely information. We get the folders donated by a sponsor and their name appears on the folder...to start this is no small undertaking)
Weekly e-mail on Sunday nights about the coming weeks happenings and events. We have parents sign up for the newsletter at school activities. This is a great tool, paperless and costless and priceless! Our "newsletter lady" is great. All submissions go through the school office for approval to be included.

Send out volunteer sheets in the first month. We have a list of "yearly" programs, people can sign up to be a coordinator or a helper. Coordinators contact volunteers and they meet or assign whatever needs to get done.

The best way to get new parents involved is to welcome in those new kindergarten parents. They are not jaded by the clicks and aren't burnt out yet! We have a new families breakfast (kindergarten and transfers) which is a great place for PTO to meet new families and new families to meet each other.

Good luck, keep up the good work and remember, the kids really do appreciate what we do! Being involved makes all the difference for your children.

Yecats

We are 9 to 10 strong still but we have alot of parents who help but can not show up at meeting and that is okay with me . We all try in our own way . We still have afew who want to run it all and that is not okay with me . I think every parent has something to offer . I go on and do all that I can to welcome parents new and old and try to let everyone know what the PTO is and what we are doing . I strong voice is all you need to get the ball rolling and before you know it you are 15 strong voices. It just kills me that not all the parents feel welcome at the school. We have a few who want the fame and glory for doing it all. I just want the kids to have a great year and parents to feel welcome at all the PTO does. I show up to all that I can but our huge problem is some people never know we are doing anything till we are ready to do it or it is already over . We need to get organized and be better at informing all the parents . We can not just hang a sign in the school door way and depend on that to let people know . But all in all you are right . 9 people can get alot done .

Crissleigh

Don't feel bad about having only 9 people come to your PTO meeting, that is 8 other people plus yourself to get the work done. I know you feel you should have more, but our school has 600 students and an average turn out for PTO is 15 people! That does not mean that we do not have an active parent community, we do, they just don't all make it to meetings! We are fortunate, but what you will likely find is that there are few that do more than their share and many that do little at all.

Yes, part of it is the fear of the unknown, the crazy busy schedules we lead and sadly maybe some clickishness. The best you can keep doing is extending your hand and getting the word out. I'm not sure how your meetings are structured, but sometimes we have guest speakers at our meetings and this brings more parents. If you have a great math or language arts curriculum director or someone that teaches social skills (open circle) invite them to speak at the meeting about the program, get the word out and get more parents there. You need a good "hitch" to get them there. Good luck!

You are so right taak jam we are here for the kids and that is what every member needs to see. Who cares if you raise the most money put on the biggest school carnival if it dose not help the kids ,,, I don't want to be known for any of that .I would want to be known for making the most improvements to the school and making the best decisions for the kids . I have told the other members we can raise million dollars but if it dose nothing good for the kids or school than what did we really do?

GimmeCoffee, I would love to hear your ideas we need all the help in the world . We have close to a 100 kids in our school and counting the PTO officers and teachers we have 9 people in the PTO. We should have double that if not more . I have suggested having a PTO open house for people to come and meet the members , I have typed up a survey to send home to see what we are doing wrong and what people think of the PTO.I tell every parent I talk to that the PTO has a new attitude this year and all are welcome . Before they only wanted parents with connections to get free stuff for the school or would do all the grunt work and let them take all the glory .

We need some help with getting organized and not just one or two people doing all the work or planning everything . This upsets the parents who do want to help they feel snubbed . If they step up to do something and get a rude no I have it covered that's it they are done.
At one point in time our school had tons of help but no one person ran the show everyone worked together . I would love to see it that way again.

Hi, I just want to say I am so glad I started this topic about PTA. I have had such great advice and positve feed back. It really makes me wanna do a great job this year with the task at hand.I am soooo GALD that I wasnt the only one who was feeling lease then happy about PTA , however with some of the positve responds it really encourages me to do my best no matter how others act or feel. WE ARE HERE FOR THE CHILDREN !!!

Crissleigh, I'm sorry for the struggle at your school. I'd think that with the school facing such a crisis, parents would be looking for ways to get involved. For example, we had a strike in our district this year. Over 800 parents showed up for the school board meeting to ask that they get it resolved. After a 2-week strike, we came back energized and people seem ready to listen and act. It's a budget year in our legislature, so we'll be focusing on advocacy for most of the fall and winter.

PTO is a little more independent and my understanding is that you don't have a lot of resources in terms of leadership, training and support. You may be faced with a pretty big job here. Good for you for taking it on. I guarantee that even if they don't say it, your fellow parents are glad you're there. You'll need lots of help, but with a great attitude you will get there.

I've made a big effort to make people want to come to meetings, and to feel welcome and participate. This probably isn't the place to go into the whole long list but I'd be happy to PM you if you want to go into it. I can summarize by telling you that our unofficial theme last year was, "So friendly we might scare you!" :) We took specific steps to attract and welcome new members, but mostly it comes down to smiling, saying hi, introducing yourself and asking how your organization can help their family. If they have felt ignored in the past, this will make it clear to them that there's a new sheriff in town. It's worth the effort!

Dear GimmeCoffee,

Thank you for your kind words. Last school year I was just a member of the PTO after I seen how parents were treated I knew someone had to push for a change. I took on Vice President this year and I am pushing very hard for the attitude to stop and to make all parents feel welcome. Everyone who has a child at the school should have a say and be heard not blown off.
I have been working very hard the past few weeks to talk to parents and tell them how fun the PTO is . I try to stress how this is for every parent because we make decisions that effect every child.

I want to thank everyone who has given me great advice .

As a PTA president, I hate to hear things like this! If you were in my school, I'd welcome you and let you know how much we value all our members. We know that the future of our PTA depends on new members spreading the word about how fun and rewarding it is to be involved.

You and your friends together are a powerful force for change. In our school, only about 15 people show up for meetings. You and 10 friends showing up would definitely make us sit up and take notice. If we were voting on something controversial, it would almost surely go your way. So just start going to their meetings and see what happens. Join a committee or form one of your own. Don't let them scare you away.

Just don't be surprised if you end up president in a few years. That's what happened to me. :)

MagnetMom ,

Thank you so much for the link . I will be sure to check it out .
Our school is at risk of being shut down and it is very sad . This has been a great place to educate your kids for 28 years now .
We were hoping to have a big turn out for our first PTO meeting but we had 5 people show up and 3 PTO board members ,
I took on the roll of VP this year hoping to sway some of the parents that got soured on it back.
So I am now looking for all the advice I can get on how to do so .
Thanks for your help.

Crissleigh,

If you're trying to get a PTA or PTO back up and running, one thing you'll need is volunteers, and I was just asked to bring this article in to help the volunteers feel valued and have volunteers return. It's called 25 Ways to Catch and Keep Volunteers and it's located here: www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/1071

This is a great point. We have a lot of trouble at my sons school getting people to join the PTO . I am the first to admit I was late to join I did so in my sons third grade year . The main reason I never joined before then was the rude members and they only wanted to ignore you . Now the kids of those people have moved on to middle school with the exception of a few . Due to how those people did the parents who joined when their child was in Pre-k we can no longer get members . The PTO we have this year is not like that we welcome every one but I fear it is to late to get these parents involved again .

If you are involved in the PTA/PTO.....sometimes just reaching out when you see a new face can make people feel at ease.
I have done this many times.....I notice some of those involved act as though 'everyone' understand what you are taking about and it can be intimidating to those that have never attended a meeting.
I can't tell you how many times I have seen a new face and I will sit next to them and (quietly) explain what is going on...sort of giving them the G2 in military terms, you know...I have made some great friends doing that!

I agree with what you said. Everyone is in a click and if your an outsider trying to gain information, it's a huff and puff sometimes. I remember PTA mother's and everyone was welcome either if you joined or you did not. If I have a question I will ask and if it's not answered in a kind manner, then I move on to the principal to ask, bottom line. It's a great task to be a PTA parent but there needs to be respect there also especially if your over 35 and 40, maturity. We "should" all be in this together!!!

As a pto President, and this being my last year to serve on the board, Taakjam, I know exactly what you are talking about. This type of conversation has come up at several of the meetings (not at the general meeting). There are so many parents like you and I do feel that if parents like you would speak up there would be less hurt feelings. This will be the 3rd year at this school and I got heavily involved with PTO when my son was in kindergarten, I felt a little out of sorts attending the meetings but after I got to know everyone it just flowed.
I encourage you to go to the meetings and voice your opinions. I would be willing to put money on it that the other Moms would appreciate your help and welcome you with open arms. Good Luck!

Our elementary school is not like that. We are always looking to get new people on board. Are you sure you are not judging them too quickly? I know as women we judge people by what we see but often once you know a person they may be very different and friendly. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

Many members' comments and yours are great! Refuse to allow people anywhere to define you or your day. Some adults in PTA turned the association to children's playground and many instances drove new parents or inexperience parents away.

It is true that , a few of them act as a bully in the playground, or unpleasant boss, or the founder of the USA, or the financier of the school. Yes!

Try as hard as you can to remain positive and do your part for you, your child's school, and your community. My joy is most of us are tenants in our children's school and one day we will move out for new tenants.

Best wishes to you and i hope you take one of their positions and hopeful do the right thing..

Sounds like you found your own right answer. Now we will all expect you to implement that plan and bring back good news.

Thanks for the advice jennifoo. Really Thanks

Taakjam, you are on the right track. Glad this helped. Hang in there. You can do great things with your more positive attitude. It's nice to vent every now and then about your frustrations. Just guard your words so they don't backfire on you. By showing them up with your upbeat and productive attitude, you will be the example to follow for new parents coming into the PTA. Go girl!

When you find people who get under your skin, I usually try to go by the saying of "Kill them with kindness"....those people will usually have no idea how to react to that, and later on, when meetings are over and you are away from them, think back to their reactions to your "kindness" and have a good laugh. After this, hopefully, any anxieties will fall by the wayside and more things will get accomplished in the next meetings.

I guess in my 1st two post I was a little harsh . I was letting it all come out , I dont like causing friction or problems .Maybe if I stand up and say something it would help but I have always been afraid if I do say something it would look bad on me and my family.I dont want people thinking I'm a trouble maker or a bad person.So I got on here and just let it all out.Which I guess instead I need to think of a polite way to let them /her know how she treats me is unacceptable.You know if I hung in this long I can hang in another 3 years!

last one, laughter is the cure for everything, that's why so many comedians are ex-depressed ppl/druggies cause they get it out through comedy, and if you wan't kid to be famous through stand-up, don't tell them anything every, they'll make it on their own. NEXT QUESTION!

and fern-kids, these ppl do not need you're help, obviously.

oh god this is comedy that's the area that needs assistance, and i got a joke for all of you. if anyone in the pta says something you think is not right, stand up like a comedian and call em on it right infront of everyone, but not in a harsh way so you look crazy, more like, (well kerry(carrie) i'd like to know why you said blank yesterday or today) very civilized, then that person will be scared to ever say anything bad. then like a chain reaction you'll be the head of the pta in a matter of minutes no matter who you are cause if anyone is gonna say anything, they'll have to get through you first... lol

Maybe it is time to pick a specific area to assist in, get on 1 committee, and then be positive. All you comments are very harsh and if your behavior is even half of what you have written the problem might lie in part with your attitude. I have been on both sides of the coin and a positive attitude can work wonders.

Chill! I know what you mean, and have been in a similar situation. But if you really want to get under their skin, get your whole posse involved and become officers. PTA charters usually have rules on how long someone can hold an office. Have you ever tried to run for one? Doesn't sound like this would be hard since you say you have stayed involved in school activities despite the conflict. It seems like you have let the few get to you. Stay positive for your kids sake. They will take their cue from you. By getting upset and stewing over it takes a lot of energy and stresses one out. Use that energy to help create a more diverse, yet cohesive PTA. Everyone's got something to offer. We all have gifts or talents to use toward the common goal. It's about the making it better for the kids, right? PTA should not be the popularity contest you described with your Jr. High reference. Now that your the grown up, don't stoop to being juvenile in your behavior if that's what you say the "elite" do. You can be part of the solution if others feel the same as you say they do. I hope blogging here gets it off your chest and helps you become a productive PTA member for the kids' sakes. Of course, my kids are in a Christian school. So when this happens we say "we need to pray for her." Ask for His blessing on that person and help give you patience until His purpose is revealed.

I guess I did have a little frustration I needed to get out . I try to be polite and I guess I just dont understand why some people cant just be kind. Treat others how you want to be treated, it that hard .

When you speak to someone and they cant even look you in the face or acknowledge you then how is that my fault ? Do you really think I'm the only one who feels this way PLEASE
I dont let it get to me however when they make rude smart a** comments right in front of me and 3 other women who are also here to help then something wrong with them not me..I have stuck this out since kinder now my kids in 3rd so I have tried sometimes it is actually the other persons fault and they need to rethink how they treat others.I dont argue with them or call them out of their names I think i'm pretty nice, how long am I suppose to just let it fly another 3 years. So I guess teaching my kids to just take sh*t from other people is ok ....WRONG I will no longer
allow certain moms to disrespect me any longer it's not right no matter how you twist it!

I help out at ever function we have. I am also a home room , and go on every field trip.For you to say they do alot by themselves is bull.If they wanted the extra help that I provide they should learn to be a little nicer,I shouldnt have to walk on egg shells to be apart of something, no one should .They are the ones who need to act like adults ! I am at the school for the kids they should be to, so if someone offers help at least be kind,I'm asking to come over for dinner or to hang out just be nice, be civil which seems to be hard for some .

Sounds like you need to get your frustrations out, then try to be the grown up. By having your own "meetings" you are being just as divisive as they are. Try asking them if they need help. Acknowledge that it looks like they are doing a lot of work all by themselves, and you know a lot of other moms that would love to take part in PTA activities. Unfortunately, you may have to approach them several times before they actually accept your offer. By taking the high road, you can also show your children how to resolve conflict with reason and diplomacy by your own actions. Talking about the PTA as if it were an exclusive group of snobs won't help. You have to be active in the organization and stick with it to change the situation. Maya Angelou says, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."