Just Relax

Way too often, I hear parents worrying about the perfect school, the perfect teacher, the perfect experience for their kids. Since my kids are 10 1/2 years apart, with one a senior and the other a first grader, I feel for the parents at my daughter's elementary school because of the passion in their convictions. But I can safely say that even a few miscues over the years (it took us a few schools to get it right for my son) and a variety of curriculum adjustments, he not only survived, but he thrived. With my daughter, we're doing less intervention and a lot more sitting back and letting things go.

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I think this is the best advice one parent can give to another. There is so much information out there, so many different people telling us what's best that it becomes a weird competition. Having the ability to let go once in a while can make a really big difference in our stress levels- and thus, for our children.

Our son started Kindergarten this year and we have some concerns about his school. It is nice to know we are not alone. Maybe a little less worry and a little more fun is what we need.

Very interesting. What do you think has worked best as a parent?

It looks as if you took two very different approaches.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

My son was a very active boy, and we hovered a lot. Eventually he wore us down, and we realized that no matter what we did, he seemed ok. With my daughter, she required a lot less hands on, and with ten years' life experience, we were happy to not hover so much.

In addition, we were older and watched our (now) older friends with their first kids freak out over everything from organic diapers to trying to create baby einsteins in the womb. With my son, I was a college student when I had him, and we just sort of winged it. So when my daughter came along and our friends were asking about the most ridiculous stuff, we just rolled our eyes. Neither of my kids had preschool. None. Guess what, they're both gifted. I don't have them enrolled in 500 activities, and they're both well adjusted.

It took a few schools to realize that the highest test scores mean less than a supportive environment, so with my daughter, we went straight for the place that felt like home. It helps that it has great test scores, but we turned down the magnet that accepted my son because for my daughter, it wasn't the right place.

For us, the bottom line philosophy is that they're probably going to turn out pretty ok no matter what we do, so we tend to do what seems right. If it turns out we didn't have all the data or we made a wrong choice, we adjust it. No stress.

Of course, talk to me in a few years when it starts over in junior high :)

I was almost losing my sleep over my kindergartner's 1st grade teacher and 2nd grader's 3 rd grade teacher...who will they get? Will the teacher fit my child's style? Is she super structured, too pushy? Will he still have his best friend with him in the next grade...blah. blah. blah! Til I had a chat with my older one. He said, "mummy, I'll be fine cos I'm a science, math, and reading wiz! If Al is with with me in 3rd grade, great, if not, we'll still be best friends." I think that was quite a relief and so I went to the Principal who said, "don't worry, they'll be fine and their teacher knows them best!"
I finally "chilled." :)

I don't know about relaxing yet,I have 3 more yrs.with my daughter then I can just relax.after 18 yrs.with my son finishing high school with all of his credits and pass all his grades and walk out of high school without his diploma because of an fcat test,he is still taking the ACT and SAT TEST.my daughter pass the fcat in the 9th grade,but she still have to pass it again in the 10th to get her GED.I won't,I can't rest untill she pass the test in the 10th grade and my son pass it,then I will rest in peace.LOL But I understand where you are coming from and I can lighten up a little bit it will release some of my stress and pressure thanks.

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