mean girls: the long haul

I have been a parent for over 30 years, watching bullying that has become a major problem in today's society. My youngest, has been a victim of far too many bullies. Verbal abuse is the least of her problems. Even though it is reported by my child to the school, what often happens is my child will have to face them in the small community. So, what the bullies could not do at school, it was finished in town.
As a parent, I have tried every route to put an end to this bullying resulting in a short respite, until it starts up again. The girls just switch tactics. My child has to watch her back at all times, I will drive her to where ever she wants to go, and even drives that are a short walking distance away. Even making the honor list did not stop it. Actually, it made it worse since the girl bullies thought that my child should be taken down a peg or two because they thought my LD child was too dumb to make the honor list.
The school has been ineffective in dealing with this. The strategies that have been used have been ineffective as well. The only strategy that is effective is calling the police. But that one has its problems, since I will have to deal with the parents of the bullies. Sometimes, that is not a pretty picture nor easy to handle effectively.
What is really needed to put a dent into bullying are social skills starting as early as pre-school days. I have found that parents who are thirty-something or younger are bullies themselves in the small community that I live in. There is bullies raising bullies, and have no concept of what is decent civil behaviour. Parents who are convinced that their child has the right to respond because my child would not lend them a pencil or give them her homework to copy the answers.
Social skills, should be put back inside the schools, as well as into the communities. When I went to school, if a girl or a boy called anybody a name, the teacher would take the time to lecture the whole class on the evils of name calling. Sometimes, if the offense was considered serious - the whole class had afterschool detention doing one big arithmetic problem that must be completed before leaving. The boy or girl who did the offending, was usually shunned for a few days by the other students, before everything went back to normal. What happen was I and the other students have been taught what is decent behaviour, how to handle situations that we disagree on, and come to the rescue of others who are being pick on or is in danger. This was in the time where there was no bullying programs. The schools and the community expected decent behaviour from children.
Nowadays, people mind their own business, including schools, churches, businesses where one of the negative effects are bullying since people are left to solve the problem without the backing of the community.

To the person that thinks you should move away. Why? NO one should be treated badley and the parents should take their blinders off

As a former junior high assistant principal, I helped correct many, many bullying behaviors. Key, key, key to resolving the issue is helping the victim understand that the bullying will continue FOR AWHILE and the victim has to not give up but continue to report until the consequence for the bullier works. Also key is for the victim, and her or his parents, to understand that the adult cannot "simply" take one person's side of a story on the first report and will generally not administer the most severe discipline for a first infraction (obviously, the severity of the bullying is taken into account, but, generally, punishments are progressively more severe). I spent a LOT of time explaining to a victim that 1) I believed her, 2) that the bully was going to deny it, 3) that the victim needed to be there when I talked to the bully, 4) that the victim was being stronger than the bully to be stopping something that we all know is wrong, 5) that the bully would probably threaten the victim as soon as she/he was out of my sight, and 6) that the victim HAD to march right back in and tell me OR the behavior would probably not change. I am making this simple for the sake of brevity, but I can say that this does work. I always followed up with the student after days and weeks if I did not hear from her/him. When a police officer sees a speeder whom she/he just ticketed the week before, the officer doesn't think, "This isn't working" and give up. Bullies aren't just going to stop their bad behavior based on one warning or detention or call home, especially if/when the parents defend the bully. Victims and their parents can't give up when one ticket ... or two ... or three doesn't solve the problem. Occasionally a speeder follows the law after a warning ... but hard core speeders need to lose their driving privileges. Bullies, as well, come in all degrees. Don't give up, or the bully wins.

One way to help protect all children from bullying in an elementary school is to have a no tolerance for bullying rule that is strictly enforced by principal, teachers, classified school staff, volunteers, parents, and students. If anyone feels they are being bullied or any bystander witnesses someone being bullied they should find the nearest school personnel and make them aware of the situation so they can carefully listen and observe what is happening as they approach the situation. Then without making any more of a scene escort the parties involved to the principal's office and privately advise the principal of what the bystander told you, and then what you heard and observed. Then the principal can bring the parties involved in together and ask each party to write down on paper what happened. Before going any further and without scolding any one person you remind all parties about the school rules and what is or is not appropriate behavior. Then from that point the principal can read the parties statements and share with all parties what was witnessed and reported to the principal. If handled correctly you protect the bullied because they didn't tattle and nobody ever actually used the bully label to the party that was behaving inappropriately causing them to react with more violent or aggressive behaviors. There would be many more steps to stomp it out, but I do think it can be accomplished.