Who's in Control of the TV and Computer at Your House?

I confess that when my kids were growing up, I wasn’t always the model parent. Sometimes (especially in the summer) I would let them wile away the hours in front of the TV or the computer. I could easily justify it by telling myself they were watching something educational or playing an interactive computer game.

But the reality is that screen time (and today that includes even more options -- TV, DVDs, computers, the Internet, video games -- than when my daughters, now in their 20s, were growing up) needs to be managed or it will control your life and isolate your child. The experts say that kids should limit their screen time to one to two hours a day. That might sound a little harsh but consider that most kids spend 45 hours a week in front of a screen.

What are they missing during that time? The opportunity to interact with other kids, play sports, be active rather than sitting still, be creative, read books, play a musical instrument or learn a craft. The good news is that with today’s array of technological gadgets, there are numerous ways to control when and which screen activities your child engages in. You can TiVo or record favorite shows, and watch them when and where you want. You can delete or fast forward through the commercials. You can purchase, rent or borrow DVDs (they’re free at your local public library), and be selective about what you watch. You have the ability to choose a time to watch a program or film as a family. You can even hit the “pause” button and take time to discuss what you’re watching.

There were two things I was strict about: no watching TV during dinner and no TV was allowed in a child’s bedroom. The dinner hour was a time for everyone to catch up with each other and for kids to learn the art of give and take in conversation. No TV in the bedroom meant we parents always knew what the kids were watching and could monitor accordingly. Of course, every rule has exceptions--we always ate in front of the TV on Academy Awards night --and I have to admit that my daughters fondly remember those nights!

What rules do you have at your house? How do you monitor your kids on the Internet?

Parent Comments on "Who's in Control of the TV and Computer at Your House?"

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JBelferi, I think it's generally not a good idea to let a preschooler spend half his day or more in front of a computer or TV, and I would lump these together, even if the computer does provide a more interactive experience. Preschoolers need time for play and imagination, for manipulating shapes (doing puzzles) and drawing, for interacting with other kids. I am also concerned because starting this habit of lots of screen time in preschool will make it increasingly difficult to change as he gets older. You mention that your son goes to preschool 3 times a week. Perhaps you could arrange play dates with some of the kids in his preschool. If you are shy about setting that up, ask his teacher to help you contact some of the other parents. You might also consider other age-appropriate classes for your son in art or music. Many local rec. departments and local organizations provide classes like these.

Check out these articles on greatschools.net for managing screen time and finding alternative activities:
Managing Your Child's Screen Time [www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/650]

Bright Ideas from Our Readers: Regulating Screen Time
[www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/651

Unfortunately, my preschool-aged son watches a lot of TV and spends a lot of time on the computer every day -- almost all day some days. I don't mind the computer quite as much as the TV, since I have essentially disabled the internet for him most of the time, and he spends more of his time working through the modules on a piece of software called Jumpstart World Kindergarten, where to my amazement he has been learning a lot of things essentially on his own. When I work from home I keep him off the computer for at least the first half of the day, but then he just watches TV. My wife seems to have trouble keeping him busy on other things besides TV/computer, especially during the cold months.

Some friends in the neighborhood recently moved to other neighborhoods, and others have been difficult to meet. My wife is not very outgoing either, so meeting others in the neighborhood or setting up "play dates" usually depends on me. Lately it seems that on weekdays he only gets out of the house or onto something besides tv/computer when he goes to his 2-hour preschool class 3 times a week. Usually he does well at preschool, but he has had days where he does a poor job listening and/or gets loud and out of control. I'm not sure how much his episodes of bad behavior have to do with TV/computer and how much is typical for preschool.

My kids monitored themselves through most of the first grade. They didn't watch much TV and they were easily bored on the computer. Toward the end of first grade I had to change things and it has worked much better for us. They are not allowed any TV on school nights. They each get 30 minutes of computer time a day on school nights, in 15 minute increments. We do not have computer games, game boy, ninetendo, etc and I won't buy them.

Friday after school through Sunday at 5:00pm they can watch whenever they want. don't regulate it as long as they don't try to spend all day in front of the set. I find that we don't have has much trouble on the weekends because there is always so much to do and so many places to go. They will watch for an hour or so Saturday and Sunday mornings. And sometimes Friday or Saturday evenings. Also, I don't usually let them stay up for movies, but I will record them so they can watch them the next day. I

As a child I could watch as much tv as I liked but as a parent I tend to monitor my kids tv & computer activities. They are limited to watching the Disney channel & playing games on playhousedisney.com. Before any of those activities occur, homework & chores must be completed first. I seldom get negative feedback from them on these rules. Now if only I could get my husband to do the same.

For our family anyway I have noticed that if we don't make a big deal of it then they (my children) tend to not concentrate on it so much. They watch TV and play video games but most of the time they are playing or learning something else. If I think they might be spending too much time on T.V. or playing video games all I have to do is suggest for them to do something else and they do. So I find not making a big deal out of it does the best for out family.

It's really great that your daughter is able to self-monitor her screen time. How do you deal with it when her peers, say, have her over to play and all they want to do is sit on the computer? How does she handle it?

As a kid I could watch as much TV as I wanted. I never thought it was a big deal so I'd watch it if something good were on but spent most time doing other things. Of course, TV wasn't as awesome then as it is now. With so many cable and movie channels I'm glued to the set. That's why I work from home!

My daughter had no TV until age 3 - now, at 8, screen time is about 9 hours per week. Screen time includes, TV, Computer, and Video Games. The kids who live around us and attend school with my daughter who have had a lot of screen time, seem to have the inability to deal well with boredom. They don't know how to "create play" in an acceptable way. For example, visiting elderly family member's homes required being able to talk to them and bring toys or games that engage everyone. I notice they bring a video game and sort of check out rather than engage.

My daugher is the primary monitor of her screen time. This is because the pattern was set up early. Now she has the ability to self monitor.

I tend to think that a balanced and moderate approach is the way to go. In my family we were only allowed to watch one hour of TV a week and one hour of video games. We ended up sneaking when my parents weren't home. Like juliag, as an adult I became an avid TV watcher. I've noticed too, in the different families I've nannied for, that the kids who don't have any particular restrictions on TV and computer time were far less interested in it than the kids in the families who were only allotted a certain amount of time each week or day. When my daughter is old enough to be interested in TV, which she will be soon enough, I hope I can find a balanced way to expose her to TV.

True - I do have lots of fond memories of family game night (my father was horrible at pictionary!) and since we weren't watching TV, we did read a lot and make up many creative games. And I definitely want to provide the same for my children!

I grew up in a family similar to juliag's. We didn't have cable (and oh, man, how my brothers and I fought for it!), so, as a result, we weren't interested in TV much. This apathy carried over into my adult life; I'm still not a big TV-watcher. Not only is it about BALANCING time in front of the TV and computer -- I think fostering a family culture that isn't screen-centric is just as important.

Did you try selling your program to kids in your class? Imagine the business and economic skills you could have learned from that! ; )

When I was a child, my parents let me have pretty much unlimited use of the computers and television. In the sixth grade, I became so bored with mathamatics that I wrote a computer program that did most of my math homework for me. All I'd have to do is punch in the numbers, and this program would do all the work and show me what it did, so I'd just have to copy it down. It turned a boring thirty minute chore of fractions, long divison and multiplication into five minutes of data entry. Aparently, my parents had a huge moral debate on this. On one hand, I wasn't doing my homework in the way intended by my instructor. On the other hand, I was showing innovation and skills above what was expected of me.

I think the freedom I had allowed me to explore what my interests where, and ulitmately learn more useful skills today, which is why if or when I have children, I would be inclined to give them fairly unrestricted access so they can learn from my guidance, their own triumphs and mistakes.

Growing up our family had very strict TV rules - only PBS, the Cosby Show, and Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy. Meanwhile, all of my friends watched far more shows and didn't have a time limit as we did (1/2 - 1 hour a day). Then when I left home and went to college, I found myself watching TV all the time. I was catching up on years of TV shows I had missed - and I still don't understand references to pop culture which seem to be obvious to my friends! I can't help but feel that making anything so restricted makes it far more attractive than it really is...

All this makes me wonder if modeling a balanced approach to TV, video games, and computer time is better than making it practically off limits or taboo?

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