Motivation

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Has your child been accused of or do you believe your that your child lacks Motivation, is lazy, doesn't try hard enough, etc.?

You and your child are NOT alone!

Appearances can be decieving. In some cases it's not motivation in which they lack it is appropriate/adequate instruction to meet their needs. Sometimes it may be behavior that has developed out of frustration or lack of praise or rewards for things they do accomplish, in lieu of focusing on those they struggle with accomplishing. None of the above mentioned are typically things that were intentional.

Unlike our children who are required to attend school, adults may choose their careers. I don't think many of us would see a lot of point in showing up at a job 5 days a week, with only criticisilum from our boss and little to no pay.

I believe every child can be motiviated, it's a matter of finding the right motivation button (including but not limited to bribary, peer pressure, or learning disabilities/abilities).

In addition to properly identifiying his learning disabilities after many attempts and getting appropriate instruction, services, and AT, here is an example of one of the motivation buttons I found with my son (who is both gifted and LD):

www.schwablearning.org/message_boards/view_discussion.aspx?thread=20663

How old is she? Do her friends know she has disabilities that affect learning? Are they supportive of her? If so, and she wouldn't be embarrassed too much by it, get them to help you motivate and teach her. Invite them over to play games that work on these areas or help w/ school work.

Maybe bribary would work. You can bribe your daughter and her friends. Set a goal, and if everyone does their part to help her attain it, then reward everyone. Maybe a "girl trip" somewhere fun for the weekend (even if it's a hotel w/ heated pool, and you order in for pizza), maybe take them to a concert, or schedule a slumber party or campout, whatever you think they are into should work.

It worked on my son and his friends w/ a promise to take them all to Fla Beach Condo for a weekend, after that one trip they kept asking what else they could help my son w/ for their next trip, lol. Postive peer pressure, what a good thing.

www.schwablearning.org/message_boards/view_discussion.aspx?thread=20075

If your child is not achieving as expected how do you determine the cause?

Could it be that your child is a perfectionist and doesn't want to attempt (avoids) those things he/she feels they may not be successful?

Could it be that your child has a disability in an area that has yet to be identified?

Could it be the child is lost when trying to do the work, and may need another method of instruction such as multi-sensory, etc.?

Could it be the child is avoiding the work all together for fear of failure, and figures their going to get in trouble anyway, why put forth the effort when it will never be noticed anyway?

Could it be they spent all there effort in another class or classes and have none left to expend because they are exhausted?

Or could it be your child is just lacking motivation?

This is just my opinion, but all of the above would affect my motivation, how about you?

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Parent Comments on "Motivation"

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Agreed, we certainly celebrate accompolishments......but correct, do not dangle the carrot to manage expectations.

"Inspiration" is different than bribery. There is nothing wrong with celebrating when your child scores a coup. But doing "something special" shouldn't be dangled like a carrot on a stick beforehand, otherwise it's conditional - and that's a bribe.

Yes, special accomplishments should be celebrated -- including those of parents. This shows children that you hold yourselves, not just them, to high standards.

Most of all, believing your kids CAN be successful is of utmost importance -- many times, our opinions of our kids turn out to be self-fulfilling prophecies.

I feel motivation comes from within. However as a parent, we can definately INSPIRE our children.

That said. I feel we have to have high expectations for our children and it needs to start a young age. I agree with Sharie001, you can't all of a sudden have these expectations when they reach high school and expect them to meet it.

I don't mean setting RIDICULOUS expectations, I think we all have common sense here.

I personally don't do bribary. My children are not rewarded 'special' for A's or anything like that, we have discussed how having that A or B is very beneficial to them.

Things you have discussed or noted as a 'girls day' and such I look at as just connecting with my child, not as a 'reward' for doing the school work they are suppose to be doing.

Just like when I do my job, I am not rewarded SPECIAL for it...it's my job.

My husband and I work hard to instill self satisfaction within our children. I don't want them to feel like they constantly have to reward themselves as adults (buying needless items) because they feel they need a reward for doing their job.

At the risk of going on and on, I will stop now but look forward to what others have to say. :-)

I agree with most of what you said.

I probably should have filled in the gaps and worded my statements regarding "bribary".

Bribary/rewards should only be used after a child has the needed services & instruction in place that level the playing field. It should only be used with attainable goals.

This is mainly for teens who are late in recieving services, etc., and have basically given up despite the fact they can do it. A defeated attitude. Incorperating friends to help can make a positive impact, and foster life-long friendships.

If your child is not motivated, there IS a reason. Kids who grow up on a home where education is valued and curiosity is encouraged usually want to do well. If this is not the case, one must delve to find answers. It could be any one or a combination of reasons stated by sharie001.

The LAST thing you should do, however, is label your child (no matter how tempting!) Calling a kid lazy gives him permission to act that way. Rather, we need to address the action --- i.e, that work was poorly done.

Also, I don't believe in bribery for 2 reasons. For an LD kid who simply can't do it, bribery is humiliating. And for a mainstream child, the rewards from a job well done should be intrinsic. Instead of bribery, how about saying.... "Wow, you must be SO proud of that "A" on your algebra test - I know how hard you worked for it!" Actually, the grade should be sufficient reward - it is an acknowledgment of the time and effort expended and is a logical consequence of those. How is $$ or a trip a logical consequence? You will only serve to up the ante, until a point comes when the child is simply not satisfied. In my mind, paying for grades is an unwise and dangerous precedent.

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Parent Comments on "Motivation"

Related keywords: motivation, child, work, help, w, disabilities, son, friends, maybe, instruction, trip, it%27s, things, learning, aspx, think, everyone, anyway, none, take