The kids I know understand that they should volunteer to pick up trash on the beach or collect canned food for the hungry. They’ve all been involved in community service. Some do it, in part, because their school or youth group requires it.  Some do it because their parents have taught them it’s what everyone should do. All of them know that it looks pretty good on a college application.

I hope they’re also learning that giving back is satisfying. As parents, I think we have to teach them do more than go through the motions. If we start small and start when they’re young, we just might instill the habit of a lifetime.

We just have to remember that they’re kids, not miniature adults.

The first time you bake cookies with your young child and suggest that he give them to a friend, don’t be surprised if he balks and wants to keep them for himself.  As a helpful preschool teacher explained to me once, this doesn’t mean your child is hopelessly selfish. Kids are just naturally self-centered. They have to learn how to give.  Try suggesting that you give half the batch to the friend and keep the other half.  You’re likely to be able to deliver the gift with your beaming child at your side, eager to watch his creations sampled.

For busy parents, the trickiest part of teaching children to give is that it takes time. It’s a lot faster to write a check to a homeless shelter than spend time in one. But handing over a donation doesn’t help your child understand where the money goes, who benefits and how. You’ll want to check first to see how your child can be involved in this kind of visit, but organizations from food banks to shelters to nursing homes welcome family participation.

My family joined with two others to plan, shop, prepare and serve a dinner at our nearby homeless shelter once a year while our kids were in middle and high school.  One of the rules at the shelter was that volunteers eat with the residents, not just cook and serve. This is not something these middle-class kids were eager to do at first. But it didn’t take long for them to move easily from stirring vats of spaghetti sauce to chatting with the residents over dessert.

If we want to teach kids to give from the heart, we have to involve them in choosing the gift. Your favorite cause may be restoring a local historic building or cleaning a polluted creek. But your child may be much more concerned about the abandoned dogs at the humane society. You can help him find a way to give the gift that is most meaningful to him by calling the humane society and asking how he can help.

It might be the start of a lifetime of giving.